So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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