apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
