Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
