White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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