I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I would ride that face into the sunset
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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