I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
