so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
