During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
