Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
