I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
