aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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