The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You made me cry and you don't even care
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
