my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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