U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
