Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
