Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
