In the future we'll all be gay
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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