that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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