i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
