Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
And then he peed in my hair
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