New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I love you.
Bad choice
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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