then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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