5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
