loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
