I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Enjoy the penises
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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