I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
not ubering you a puppy
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
