Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
