mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
