farters have to be the big spoon...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
