I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you made out with another girl for some wings
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
