i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
