I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So much rum. So many feels.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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