Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
