I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
