Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
