If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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