He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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