i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
