So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Can I color on your dick again?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
