I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
