things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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