Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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