You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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