If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
