I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
