everyone is single if you try hard enough
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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