I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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