420 ftw
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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