i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
