I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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