So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
