so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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