I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
