I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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