My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
