Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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