like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
