Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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