we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
