he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
