xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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