My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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