i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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