There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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