I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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