he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
