Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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