so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
