if i can run in heels then i can drive
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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