I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
